It's almost been 5 months since the world I was excited for was stripped away from me and I can honestly say that I love the adventure that God has me on now.
There is something beautiful about being broken. When Kayla cancelled the wedding I was broken. Insecurities flooded my thoughts faster than a tropical storm raging through a city. I had two choices. I could either run from my brokenness or I could face it and deal with those insecurities.
Although I have some amazing friends and family that encouraged me and loved me, I needed to realize the love that our Creator had/has for me because, to be honest, all I cared about was the love that Kayla had for me.
There was one night that ended up in me throwing up all over my friends brand new condo floor because of all the alcohol I consumed. My fiance broke up with me. I felt unattractive...I felt unloved. I thought I DESERVED any escape of my choosing.
That next morning when I woke up and looked at the dried vomit on my shirt, blanket and floor, I realized if I continued to chose those decisions I wouldn't be helping my brokenness. I was just running from the insecurities and the pain would only worsen. Although I'm embarrassed and disappointed by that night of drinking, it pushed me to really seek the love Christ has for me. Sure, I grew up knowing of His love. He died for my sins and I am truly grateful, but up until January, I lived such an easy life that I didn't really need to understand to what extent He loves me.
That morning, as I nursed the worst headache I've ever had, I decided to really discover God's unconditional love. Instead of running from my brokenness, I was going to surrender to him. My thoughts of feeling ugly. My thoughts of feeling worthless...unloved. I always thought that God had an adventure for me and I was finally ready to accept that adventure.
In only a short 5 months God has led me to a new city, a new church and new friends. He has revealed to me passions and gifts that I had forgotten about. He showed me how blessed I am for so many reasons. I have the world's most encouraging and supporting friends and family that I can think of. He has healed my broken heart and has helped me forgive. Most importantly, He's loved me and I get at what extent.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...
Oh, how He loves
Every time I sing that song at Wooddale Church it brings tears to my eyes. When my world can crash around me, God's love never fails.
Every day I wake up I am thankful for the adventure that I am on. I am thankful that I was broken and I will accept the challenge next time I'm broken again. For the first time in a long time I'm seeing people the way that Christ sees people.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I wouldn't have been able to heal as quickly as I did if it wasn't for my friends, old and new. If any of you are reading this, THANK YOU! Wooddale church is a special place. A place filled with God's love. I'm thankful for the role the people of that church have had in my life and am honored that I can be a part of their ministry.
I love that I was broken because I can now relate to others who are broken. I can share with them about how refreshing and healing God's love is.
Father, my prayer is that I continue to accept this adventure that you have me on. Through the good and the bad...the broken times and the encouraging times lead me where you want me to go. Reveal to me even more how You love so I can show that love to others.
