James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
This was probably my favorite verse for the longest time. It is a verse that is underlined in my Bible and was underlined in the Bible before that, but I never fully understood it because I never went through any big trials.
Yes, I've had a hard day at work or had a hard day as a student. I've been mad at family or friends, but, until recently, I never had anything really difficult in my life happen to me and for that I have been lucky.
As most or some of you know, Kayla called off our marriage. This is not a blog post where you're going to get all the juicy details of the break-up because honestly, there isn't any. This isn't a blog post where I'm going to say anything negative about Kayla because I can't. She did what was best for us in the long run. As hurt as I am, I'm thankful. This blog post is more for me to process what James 1:2-4 means to me and if someone else is going through there own trial of any size, maybe they can see some hope.
When my wedding was called off, I was shattered. It was not something I expected nor was it something I was excited to deal with. The life that I was expecting, planning and hoping for was gone. Yes, I know God has a plan for my life, but it wasn'...isn't the plan that I wanted. It's one thing to say, "God's got a plan for me and that's the best plan for my life" and it's another thing believing His plan is the best when life throws you a curve ball.
In the two months since this situation has gone down a lot has changed. I temporarily moved in with my old college roommate and his wife. (So thankful for their hearts.) I recently moved into a single apartment in Bloomington. (Indoor and outdoor pool/hot tub. HEYOH) I'm single for the first time in 3.5 years. I struggle with image issues which is bringing me to tears right now, but I have never felt God's love more than I have in these past two months. I'm learning what James 1:2-4 really means.
Every day since the break-up is a new battle. There are some days where I feel fine, but I would be lying if I said I haven't felt lonely, sad, or angry. In those times so many verses come to mind, but James 1:2-4 sticks out the most. I must consider it PURE joy when i face trials because it develops perseverance, but more importantly it makes me realize God's love for me and my need for a Savior.
Regardless of the s#!& around me and the lies that go through my head, I know that I have a God that loves me. In verse 12 of chapter 1 it says:
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
In the two months since this whole ordeal has gone done, there have been some days I've trusted God's plan and some days I haven't. I wish I could say that every second of every day I've trusted in God's plan for my life, but I can't say that. Most days I have and the thing that is keeping me going is the promise that God has for me.
There is NOTHING in this temporary life that I want more than a loving wife and family, but if that's not God's plan for me now... or ever then I will be faithful to Him because His plan is the best plan. When I face trials I WILL persevere. (Aretha Franklin's song is running through my head right now...anyone else?)
Honestly, this isn't one of my best posts, but it does show my heart. It's bruised, but it's not broken because God works for the good of those who love Him.
I hope no one reads this post and thinks anything negative towards Kayla. That is not my intention. Her heart may not be into me anymore, but I know it's into God.
I feel like that fallen egg. It is ugly, broken and a nuisance. My last post was filled with so much hope and strength, but I've been running thin lately.
